Unable to catch a cab at this ungodly hour, I decided to make a go for it and walk home...alone! What else is new :( Working my way uptown, still dressed in last night's fabulous outfit and fiercest - albiet uncomfortable - shoes, I clutched my Fendi clutch (not some chinatown knockoff. the real deal. jealous?!) tight to my chest as I crossed 14th Street. The sun beginning to rise, my spirits started to fall (get it?!) as the city streets became crowded with the morning commuters, hitting the pavement in their pressed suits and sensible shoes. (Gag me with a silver spoon!) God, who are these "people", I wondered to myself. What were they doing up so early?! I hadn't been up that early since the Imitation of Christ sample sale (And with all the eye candy in the room, let's just say I sampled way more than just the designer goods...Get it?) As my mind wandered from the good looking fellas to the morning city dwellers, I could only imagine where they were speeding off to with their briefcases. Some ungodly OFFICE I assume. (Shudder...) They say the early bird gets the worm, but unless it's floating at the bottom of a tequila bottle, you can keep the worm, I'm hitting the snooze button on my alarm clock. (Thanx Brookstone!)
Waving hello to my doorman, I offered him a drag of my breakfast (American Spirt anyone?!) but he politely turned me down. (This stood in stark contrast to last weeks events in which he politely turned me on, but that's another column.) As I settled into my apartment, I began to strip down to my skivvies, but alas, my skivvies were no where to be found. I checked again, but to no avail. Yep, my undies were officially lost in translation, without a Bill Murray or a Sophia Coppola in sight.
Whilst pondering the unfortunate (but not entirely unexpected) loss of my undergarments, I couldn't help but wonder.......Are we sluts?!?!?!
Ok, I keed, I keed (longest gag ever, i know!) but seriously, don't let the pun in the blog title fool you, this is so not some hideous Carrie Bradshaw-inspired blog in which I will laboriously ponder (and pun-der) my exploits of love and lust in the city, nor will I strictly be pondering the (much more) familiar world of puddings, pop tarts and pepperoni. I'm hoping to dish out a delightful combo of stories for you to snack on - most will be boring, some might be incredible, all will be edible!
Snax are merely little treats, which I will be serving to you in blog form on occasion. The last thing I need in my life is another forum to distract me from my professional writings, but i always give in to my cravings for better for worse. So, when you need a little pick me up, be it an afterschool bite or a late night nosh, come on over! Some snax will be tasty and meaty, some will be narsty and sour (i.e. Renee Zellwegger) but have no fear, in no way, shape or form will they be good for you. So, if you find this blog devoid of any value (nutritional, or otherwise), don't say I didn't warn you.
Peace, Love & Snax,
Brian
6 comments:
I joke I joke I keed I keed. i love the reference. So I don't get it. This blog is not about snacks but snax? what's the difference? I don't get it.sometimes she even spells the hyphen.
snacks = snax
nuffsaid5
i'm ready to dip into the pantry. thanks for supplying.
Wait... but where am I going to read about designer shoes and superficial, self-obsessed sluts?!? That's why I'm here. Dammit!
you look thin in that profile picture. perhaps you need to help yourself to more...snax.
im off to do the crossword. i had scotch for dinner last night. whats a ten-letter word for "assed out?"
The first purchase I ever made off of an informercial was a "snackmaster". And the first blog I ever pfffffttttt all over the computer during is this one. Hence, you are the official Good-bye Perez and TMZ...hello "Snackmaster" or "Snaxmaster" or Chief Snax in Sax...(you know when the crumbs fall in your boxers). You are the official King of all Snax (and blogs).
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